How to Talk to Your Doc, part 1

A True Story:

(Zebra: Basically, in soft-boiled layman's terms, a person with a set of severe debilitating symptoms with no real diagnosis because they don't test positive for anything)

A husband of a friend of mine, when they had recently moved to the area, goes to see the new PCP. (He also happened to be my PCP). He tells the new PCP that he is a "Zebra", has been dx'ed with CFIDS, and needs a new doc to manage his care.

His (and my) PCP, says its becoming more and more common, refills his meds, including the Provigil, and POOF, our hero the Zebra continues to get the care he needs to function most of the time. It doesn't really matter that the Zebra's Provigil is a bandaid on a sucking chest wound, he's got a doc who will give it to him so that he can get around the fatigue and monitor his condition without prejudice. You may argue that CFIDS is simply a set of symptoms of something else, not really a true diagnosis and something they should continue to try to diagnose. While you'd be right, Mr. Zebra knows he's lucky for what he has. He's lucky he didn't get laughed out of the office. The chances are that they will never know what is really wrong with Mr. Zebra he knows that, so he is thankful he is being treated symptomatically.

Many of us aren't even that lucky. I was dismissed for years and years, like most people with chronic disease and pain. Sometimes it still happens, and I still get very anxious when I have to see a new doctor or specialist because I am a little shell-shocked from what I have coined as my "Many Misdiagnosi". That being said, I have some hard won wisdom I'd like to share.

Many mistakes people make in doctor/patient communications can be seen online in forums can contribute to the problems for all of us. Now, before I get accused of blaming the victim, I want to make clear that I am not blaming the patients for all of the problems. I do believe, however, through mistakes I have personally made and the subsequent learning experiences, that we as patients do fall into traps that exacerbate our bad doctor/patient communication issues.

I am beginning this series so that other patients do not make the communication and doctor evaluation mistakes that I have made - many of which I see others making that are often cheered on by members of support groups.

It is this blogger's opinion that Michael Jackson is simply rife with medical and emotional issues and probably is not an authority on healthy communication. That being said, his "Man in the Mirror" song applies here anyway. You cannot change a damn thing unless you start with yourself. You cannot change your doctor's views by force any more than you can make a drunk stop drinking or an addict stop snorting. When you try to force your view on a doctor, your co-dependency is showing, and NEWSFLASH: Docs are trained to pick up on codependency as a mental illness. (As a side note, speaking very generally, they seem much more skilled at this than at detecting chronic organic or genetic disease.)

Would you like some Ambilify with that?

You have to start with yourself, changing your PERCEPTIONS and your COMMUNICATION SKILL SET and your EVALUATION PROCESS.

I will use real life experiences of my own and of others' to back my statements when applicable. Know that while changing your approach will work towards improving your life, it will not work with all doctors all the time. This is why the evaluation process is so important. If you improve your communication skills and your doctor is still a pig headed ego ridden ass with a God complex, you'll want to move on fast before you waste more time and money. That's why I will start with the interview process first.

Yes, Interview Process.

You, Dear Reader, are a consumer. You are a patient, a client, and a customer. You should approach this relationship with your doctor like you would a lawyer, auto mechanic, IT guy, or landscaper. You are paying for a service whether you have insurance or not. You are paying for expertise for things, like a defense lawyer, that you cannot do on your own. Buying prescription drugs online without seeing a doctor might be popular, but like going to Mexico to be given Malaria to spike a fever to kill other bacteria, it is a really really really bad idea. You need medical advice and a prescription writer, and someone to safely monitor you. But you need to find the right one for you.

Would you hire a new employee without an interview? Would you keep an employee you've hired who consistently (not once but consistently) made mistakes and consistently underperformed on evaluations? Of course you wouldn't.

We will, in the coming weeks (maybe even months...who knows?) look at this step by step, interviewing new doctors, evaluating current doctors as a matter of course, and your personal responsibility when it comes to your care.

The fun part is that if this catched on, with all the competition out there, the bad eggs will be reduced to either changing their way or losing money.

I hope that you, Dear Reader, will chime in with your thoughts and ideas, even in healthy debate and disagreement. We are all in this together and I, too, am still (and will always be) learning.